What does "Change" by NF mean?

“Change” Lyrics Meaning

(The following blog post is a transcript created by Xalma of the below video.)

Today we'll be talking about "Change" by NF; this song in particular is so interesting, because

he's talking about wanting to change; and their is this duality of desire, because he doesn't only

want to change, but -you guessed it- he also doesn't want to change; and that's a thing that I

personally can I identify with, as can every peoples out there; we recognise that we're not

perfect, we know that there are things that we need to be doing better, we hate it when we make

mistakes; and so we want to change; but changing is hard; so we don't always know how to do

it; so there is always this kind of back and forth struggle within us, this is what it means to be

human, as to change. So let’s take a look into the chorus here; he represents this struggle nicely there, as he says,

Chorus

Runnin' from change
I'm lookin' for change
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for change
I just want, I just want change

So he very quickly flips the script, he says “I’ve got to search for it and find it“; but at the same time, he freaks out when there is change. An interesting thing to notice in this chorus is that normally when you search for something, one minute you don’t know where it is, and then you find it, and you’re like “good, I’ve found it; I finally found change“; but when you’re “running from change”, you can be closer or further away from it; and so it’s something on a continuum; so what we can get from what he’s saying is that it takes a long time and hard work to change, you cannot all of a sudden “boom” and change; yes, you might know the how, but change in itself is a process; and we’re going to see that in the lyrics here, as he establish the problems that he has when he’s trying to change.

Verse One

Yeah, look
I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though
Yeah, I been on it for a while, dunno how to put it down
Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though
I just wanna take a hit, keep sayin' I'ma quit
Keep sayin' I'ma leave, but I stay though
I just want a little fix, I don't wanna take a risk
I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone
But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to

He’s saying that he’s addicted to the pain; like, kind of comfortable in the suffering or the numbness that his internal thoughts cause him; so he knows that he needs to change that; he can’t and shouldn’t be comfortable with staying there.

I swear I'm tryna get it together
Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better
I like to rap, but I ain't gon' do it forever

So rap is a big deal to him, it’s something that helps him to process change and to process thoughts; so he raps to have those thoughts out there for other people; but he recognises that in general, change is going to take hard work, and he has to roll his sleeves up. He ends the first verse saying,

Lookin' for somethin' in my life to be inspired again
I like to walk around and act like I don't know what it is
But I know what it is, I just never wanna commit

And then he goes into the chorus, where ha talks about change; and so it’s kind of an implication that change is what will inspire him; and he’s been trying to ignore it, and just stay in that comfort zone.

Verse Two

Yeah, I don't like new things
Got a lot of mood swings
Oh, you wanna tell me somethin' negative?
I don't wanna hear what you think

So he mentions change, the pain, and the comfort in here. He also doesn’t receive criticism or hate comments very well, which is kind of like everyone nowadays.

Yeah, tossin' in my sleep
Every night for like two weeks
Thinkin' 'bout how I could have done this or done that better
Can't help it, that's just me

And oh my god; I can sympathise a lot with this part; there has been nights when I just couldn’t sleep, spending ton of time feeling embarrassed about things that happened like ten years ago! It’s the worst feeling, and I hate it; and I just wish that I can forget these things; but forgetting isn’t as good as dealing with something, is it?!

Yeah, that's probably why the issues ain't goin' away
Yeah, that's probably why I always sit around and complain
Tellin' myself that I ain't never gettin' out of this place

And I’ve definitely done that too; and I am sure that a lot of you reading this has done that as well. Man! I kind of have a lot in common with NF than I thought, guys. Yeah, you could get into this mental head space and you just feel trapped there; and it gets hard to just flip the script, and break out of it and be like “you know what; this isn’t real, none of this is facts, it’s just my emotions, trying to get the best of me“. So it’s way easier to just stay there and complain, because those emotions tackle one of the most pivotal parts in your psyche, and it’s your motivation, or your sense of self-awareness. When something attacks you and says “No, you cannot break out”; and that is the problem you’re trying to solve, the breaking out; they’re tackling you at the root there; that’s just rough.

I need change
Yeah, that's kinda easy to say, right?
But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life

And that’s fair; it’s probably easy to say that “I want to change” if you are confident, happy, and want more of life; but when you hate life, when things are going really poorly; you probably just feel stuck, or maybe you just don’t feel anything, you have no motivation whatsoever to do anything to change.

And everyone around me kinda thinks I'm a great guy
But I don't ever think it so I think I'm a fake liar
I'm a little uncomfortable, to tell you the truth
But to be honest with you lately, I got nothin' to lose
See, I've always been full of pain, but now I'm makin' some room

I think a lot of us can empathise with that too. We put on a good face for other people, and they think that we’re one person; but we’re really another, and we’ve got a lot of crap that’s going on underneath the surface; so you end up feeling like you’re an imposter, like you’re not who you’re pretending to be.

Chorus

Lookin' for change
I'm lookin' for change
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for change
I just want, I just want—

So we see this escalation of things; he’s not running from change anymore, yeah?! At the beginning, there were these problems, and he had to do a lot of work; but now he’s been trying to tackle some of the depression and the negative thoughts.

Verse Three

I need a moment of silence
I don't like change, but I'll try it

Okay, now that’s a more of a positive tone.

See, all my emotions are liars
All my emotions are violent
They don't want freedom to find me
Mention a name and everybody riots
Yeah, that's why I'm checkin' my vitals
They keep on workin', but I know
Breathin' don't mean you're alive, so
I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope

So he realises that the negative thoughts that he has aren’t real, and that it means that he can indeed change; and now he’s actually taking the actions towards change; he’s taking a risk, “walking on a tightrope”, but he’s welling to do so; because he wants change now.

Positive thoughts are my rivals
I'm tryna be on their side though
Should I feel comfortable? I don't
Last year, I felt suicidal
This year, I might do somethin' different like talkin' to God more

This is a huge thing to share with us for sure; and I really respect him for that; and I hope that he’s doing much better this year.

We can see that verse three is much shorter than the other two; and he’s doing a great story arc. here; where he started with the problems; then he got about tackling things, and breaking through them; and then in verse three, he’s making the movements forward; and making those movements towards change is the battle here; he’s not changing in the song; he’s struggling to find the desire to change; so finding that spark or desire to start changing is accomplished, but change itself didn’t happen yet; and maybe this is why the third verse is a little bit shorter; because the story didn’t end just yet; he’s still going to go through the process of change itself.

So yeah, guys; that was the heart and soul of “Change by NF; this song is brilliant, and so true and real for him, and it’s always appreciated when an artist talk about something real; you know! This song is - once again - about wanting to change, and finding the well to start moving forward; not changing successfully; because he’s still in the middle of this process and this long journey.