What does "RUNAWAY" by half•alive mean?

“RUNAWAY” Lyrics Meaning

(The following blog post is a transcript created by Xalma of the below video.)

Today we're talking about "RUNAWAY" by half•alive; this song was written by the frontman, Josh Taylor; and I just want to talk about this; because I don't think I've had a song affect me this emotionally in a while; there's some really good and some really deep stuff here. Now, obviously the music video is very cool, and I think it's confusing enough that there will be a continuous conversation about what exactly is going on there. We see Josh Taylor playing this dad; and he's being sent off to war back in the 1940s perhaps; and he's kind of trying to connect with his daughter, and she won't really talk to him, because maybe she feels abandoned, or maybe they just don't have a great relationship; he seems like a good dad though; but he leaves the little girl some letters, and he puts inside one of the envelopes his ring too; we don't see the mum at all in the video, by the way; so, he heads off to war, and I think it's implied that he doesn't come back; and so years and years later, she's in her apartment, as she's grown up; and it looks like it might be the 1970s; so she's reading these letters left by him; she sees the ring; then the room starts to close in on her; and I think that it's probably a picture of what a child may go through, when they feel abandoned by their parents, but realize that there was an actual good relationship there all along; like, you know, her dad actually cared for her; but he didn't really have a choice about being drafted.

That is the basic storyline; I think there's a deeper meaning to it; and I'd love to hear your thoughts on that; but what I really want to talk about today are the lyrics themselves. "RUNAWAY" has got this strong message, and it's about something that I've been personally thinking about a lot lately; which made this song especially painful/good to be surprised by what the song was about; it is this kind of balance between who you want to be, and who you are. The first few stanzas of the song don't give anything away; but as you get further into the chorus, into the second verse, and so on; you start to see like this pretty strong message develop; and it's especially interesting to look at this difference between who you want to be, and who you are; which I guarantee you, you've thought about that, you're struggling with that; you probably feel like maybe there's something wrong with you, and if only you were a little bit different, you'd be better or something; or like in my case, it's a lot of "well if I accomplish this, I'd be where I want to be", yeah? Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the balance personally; I don't think that it's the kind of thing where you just be like "Okay, I'm exactly cool with exactly who I am"; but as my wife talks to me about it a lot, I don't think that we really need to spend the rest of our lives always trying to get something better. Yes, it's a complicated topic that I haven't figured out myself yet.

Varese One

I've been searching, nothing's working
I've been tripping, no one's perfect
Chasing vision, just the surface

So he's trying to get something more out of life; he's looking for it, but he just feels like he's getting a surface-level stuff; and there's that vision of what he wants to be, or what life should be like, what he should be doing.

Shirt’s on backwards, not on purpose, yeah
I've been learning, something bigger
Expectations, feet were failing
I found blessings flowing from
The sight of heaven

So he found something good, right? like something big happened. I don't remember from when I first started explaining his songs where is the faith basis for him, and whether "heaven" actually means anything to him on a religious side; but at the very least, it's a metaphor for something bigger, that's speaking into his life; so it seems like he sees some sort of an epiphany here.

Pre-chorus One

Staring into my reflection, redirecting my perfection somewhere else
When there isn't any progress, lean on truth inside the promise, it is well

He's looking in the mirror; and he's going to think about his perfectionism; but he's not going to try to apply it to him. The second line might actually be an evidence that there is some sort of a religious influence for him; but he is saying there's this promise, and the promises that it is well, maybe it is well with my soul, and he's trying to say "who I am is okay, and I don't need to constantly be trying to perfect myself".

Chorus

I hold my life out in front of me, dreams of who I want to be
I'm seeing every empty page

Which is the rest of his life, his future; the book that hasn't been written about his life yet.

I find that everything I am is everything I should be
I don't need to run away
I don't need to run away
I don't need to run away

Wow! When I first read that, it hit me; I think there were little tiny half-tears forming in my eyes; which if you know me personally, you'd know that this is pretty significant.

I think that just says everything, "I find that everything I am, is everything I should be", what a thing to be able to say! If you could honestly say that, completely in with your whole heart, you would be the happiest person in the entire world; and then to say "I don't need to run away from who I am", which is what he's saying there; like, man! Man, that is some next-level stuff, guys.

There's not a whole lot to explain here; it's just deep, it's just big... it is beautiful.

Verse Two

Something's working, heart is turning
Vision’s clear, and still I’m learning
That what I am, what I am, what I am, what I am
Is something more than I can plan
Go, tell me now!
I don't need to run away

So things are starting to get better as he starts to accept who he is, right? And hey, it's just so tempting to go ahead and try to apply all this stuff to my life; and to start really thinking about this; but the basic gist of that, "what I am is something more than I can plan"; you are bigger than what you can dream of you could be; and it's not "you're going to become something bigger than what you could dream of what you could be"; he's saying that who he is, the the value of him intrinsically, that is bigger than what he could dream of him becoming; which. is. just. something. else. oh. my. gosh!

You're kind of reading what I'm trying to explain, while also internalizing it heavily, and just being like *sigh*. This couldn't come at a better time for just some of the thoughts and things that I've been going through recently. I am sure that most of you guys can really get what I am saying, because you're probably having or have had the same inner struggles and thoughts too.

Pre-chorus Two

Have I been standing on a stage, or just a mirror? I’m forced to face who I become
Searching for a new escape, I scan the exits that embrace an easy out

That is him kind of going back to the old way of thinking; then he goes back to the chorus,

Chorus

I hold my life out in front of me, dreams of who I want to be
I'm seeing every empty page
I find that everything I am is everything I should be
I don't need to run away
I don't need to run away
(I don’t need to run away)
I don't need to run away
I don't need to run away
I don't need to run away
No, I don't need to run away

And I think when you see those empty pages; you feel this pressure to fill them with the right thing; and you know, he talks about perfection; that urge to become the perfect person, right? And just for him to kind of come to this realization, that he doesn't have to run away from who he is, and run away towards who he thinks he should be, man! Josh Taylor, I doubt that anyone ever fully believes this. I think that probably your life is a process of coming to grips with an idea like this, if you're lucky, or if you have healthy influences. That's some really really good stuff, guys.

So, half•alive, Josh Taylor, that is awesome. And yeah, you're a fool if you don't go watch the music video, listen to this song, read the lyrics, and think about it yourself; because there's some really deep stuff there; and I would really like you guys to do something for me; go through the lyrics, find your favourite line, the one line that speaks to you the most; and comment it down below; because I really want to see if it has the same power for you, that it has for me. Like am I the only one? Is that because this just speaks to the way that I feel screwed up is a person? or is this like a universal thing? Please let me know, guys.